Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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