just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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