I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
