the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
