oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
