do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
