At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
