I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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