sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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