I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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