Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
