Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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