wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
