Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
