i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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