I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
