One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
