I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
