And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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