His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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