So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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