im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
