dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nicole vs. Life
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
