Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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