The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
