There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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