sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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