Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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