so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
