so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
