my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
