Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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