Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
