I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
