I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
