Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
