the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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