There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
