I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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