Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
