drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
