I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
