I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize