I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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