A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
