it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
