Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
