well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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