So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
