I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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