And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
