I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
