Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
