ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
