what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
