Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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