i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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