I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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