I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
