I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
