who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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