please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
