so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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