I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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