I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
