I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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