____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
