Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
