Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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