Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wear drunk well.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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