11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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