what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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