Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
