Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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