I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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