Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
zippers are such a cool invention
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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