Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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