there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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