i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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