Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
