high people should be assigned attendants
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
