Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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